Keep on Lovin'
by 83annak
Summary: Oneshot about the movie Hope Springs (2012). It of course deals with the relationship of Kay and Arnold Soames and Kay's feelings after one of their failed exercises in love making. Kay's PoV.


**Keep on loving **

Fandom: Hope Springs (2012), Pairing: Kay & Arnold Soames

"_And the seasons they go 'round and 'round  
And the painted ponies go up and down  
We're captive on the carousel of time  
We can't return we can only look behind  
From where we came  
And go round and round and round  
In the circle game"_

(The Circle Game Lyrics by Joni Mitchell)

"Are we gonna be sitting for this?" Arnold's voice sounded as grumpy as usual.

"Well, maybe lying down." Kay looked at him, wearing a half-smile. She wanted Arnold to feel comfortable, but the truth was, she didn't feel very good herself. She was full of anticipation and afraid of…she didn't know exactly. Arnold looked at the bed, eying it skeptically, before he started to untie his shoelaces.

"Do you wanna go first?" Arnold mumbled.

"Do you want me to?"

Arnold looked at her rather indifferently. "That's six of one and half a dozen of another."

Arnold moaned as if it was already exhausting. His legs were stretched out in a V-form while his head rested accurately in the middle of the pillow. Kay sat next to him, not knowing how or where to begin with Dr. Feld's assigned exercise. Nervously playing with her watch, Kay tried to make up her mind what to do next.

Humming, she finally started to caress Arnold's left arm, feeling slightly awkward.

"Is that alright?" she carefully asked.

"Fine," was Arnold's only reply. He lay there stiff like a board.

Kay nodded, continuing her stroking. She closed her eyes to shut out everything else but touching her husband's arm, feeling the structure of his warm skin and that soft hair. She concentrated on their togetherness. Amazed about their physical contact, Kay opened her eyes and smiled down at him.

"Does that feel good?"

"Feels like you're patting a dog." Arnold grunted.

Kay quickly pulled away her hand. She paused, thinking about what else she could possible do. She wanted it to be good. Very slowly she stretched out her hand to lay it on Arnold's chest. Her husband still wasn't moving. Her hands wandered underneath Arnold's shirt, caressing his skin, when he suddenly shook off her hand and said: "Ah, that tickles, don't…"

"Sorry." Kay withdrew and sat up. Since she was sitting at the foot of the bed anyway, she started to caress his ankles and legs.

"I really don't see the point."

Kay tried to block out Arnold's negative mood and just carried on with their exercise.

"I mean this Doctor Feld…," Arnold started to speak, but trailed off when Kay's hands wandered further up his legs until she was stroking his thighs. She didn't pay much attention to what he had to say, but she noticed his sentences were becoming more incoherent when her fingers came nearer to his crotch. Kay held her breath when Arnold raised his head, watching what she was doing. He didn't say anything, but made noises that left Kay in the dark about whether he enjoyed what she was doing or was feeling uncomfortable. She nevertheless gained more confidence, because after all he hadn't said anything grumpy or mean, so she became more determined and began to circle Arnold's most private parts over and over again.

Suddenly he hastily sat up and said: "I think we'd better stop."

"What?" Kay's fingers nervously played with her earrings.

"Are you sure?" she added, not knowing if she herself should be relieved about his retreat.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going." Arnold didn't look at her, but she could see how desperate he was. He let his hand fall in his lap like a concession of defeat. He sighed and added: "I'm going to bed."

And he was gone.

Kay was still sitting on her bed, not knowing what she did wrong. She wanted to say something…anything that would make him stay, but nothing came to her mind. She let out a sound of frustration.

Kay stood in front of the mirror after she had left Arnold all by himself, who was now in the hotel suite's living room, most likely asleep. It hurt in her chest.

Her green eyes traveled with disgust over her wrinkled old face. She had never felt quite beautiful, not even when she was in her twenties. Kay had always been very insecure about her looks and she had certainly never thought that Arnold had married her because she was an extremely beautiful woman. No, no –she wasn't extraordinary, but somehow she had always hoped that her husband would still want her when they were older. She had thought that since they were both growing old together he would somehow adapt to the changes of their bodies. She had, however, hadn't she? Arnold wasn't a very handsome man either. His old face was cluttered with deep furrows and even when he was younger his face hadn't been spotless, because acne had left its scars, especially on his neck. And did she care? No, of course not! To the contrary: right now she wanted him more than ever.

He had been strong and smart and very gallant. Yes, gallant. He had courted her so much that she had felt like a lady or a princess or simply like someone special. He had made her smile. He was her first man. Sometimes she regretted it. Kay wondered what would have happened if she had been more experienced. Would she still be with Arnold? Would she have tried to save her marriage in Great Hope Springs?

Probably not…she most likely would have given up by now. Maybe Kay Soames would have been married to someone else or she would be an old single woman with lots of cats or canary birds.

Kay touched her shoulder, her cleavage and finally her breast through the thin fabric of her nightgown. She desperately wanted to feel alive again. The bathroom was cold and she could see her nipples had hardened. They had tried the exercise Dr. Feld wanted them to do, but Arnold had suddenly stopped. He didn't even want her to touch him any longer. She had thought he had only resented touching her … her old flesh and skin, but it was the same the other way around. When she had started to stroke his legs, Arnold had looked uncomfortable and full of shame and …repulsion?

Kay sighed deeply before she turned off the lights and went to bed.

She was lying in the dark, listening to the noise coming from the street and the parking lot in front of their motel.

Then she listened to her own breathing for a while. She couldn't sleep. It was impossible. Kay wanted to go back to Arnold. She missed his touch. She missed being with him for so long now.

Doctor Feld had asked her today if she had ever had fantasies. Sexual fantasies. She hadn't exactly lied to him, but she hadn't told the truth either. Kay had said that she didn't think about it – that she just wanted to be with her husband. Which was at least partially the truth.

She sat up in her bed. Arnold had confessed his fantasy about their neighbor Carol. A threesome. She'd never have guessed. Carol? The dark haired woman from the other side of the street was certainly good-looking. Her body might still be fitter and thinner than Kay's.

Kay started sobbing. She was so tired. Arnold wanted to have sex with Carol and her, but not with her alone? That didn't make much sense. Why would he want them to have sex with a third person if he didn't even allow her to touch or kiss him? Perhaps because it was safe for him. Arnold must know that she'd never even consider having sex with Carol. Problem solved. He wouldn't have to deal with her. Never again. His fantasies were beyond discussion. Kay tried to keep quiet, but she couldn't calm herself. She lay back down and her fingertips started to travel over her bare arms. She closed her eyes, imagining Arnold being with her and caressing her like he did so many years ago. She had liked feeling his big strong hands stroking her arms, legs and over her shoulders. He had always found a relaxing rhythm of touching and kissing her until they had made love – mostly, they had talked about, in the missionary position. But Kay had never complained. Dr. Feld had looked at them as if it was completely boring and one-sided to never try something else, but both had liked it that way, at least for a while. Why was it even necessary to try new things all the time?

Kay remembered being on top one time. It wasn't much better than their usual position. She wanted to stay that way, but Arnold had complained, because he hadn't been able to reach climax. That was the reason they had never tried that position again. If it was up to Kay, it didn't make any difference, anyway. She almost never climaxed. But wasn't that normal? Men always reached their peak while women had to learn very early that they had to manipulate here and there a little if they wanted to reach an orgasm as well. Kay had never felt very comfortable with guiding him so she was able to climax, too. Arnold didn't like it. He once told her that it felt as if he was only a tool to her. He had felt used, so Kay had stopped manipulating and simply let him have his way with her.

She had soon lost the urge of having regularly sexual encounters. It was at the time after their daughter's birth and so she had mainly concentrated on the baby. Molly was a sensitive child. Night after night she had spent hours in the baby's room and had often even slept there as well. Suddenly there was neither the time nor the opportunity to be close to Arnold and without realizing it Kay had somehow lost the physical connection to her husband. In the beginning Arnold had been grumpy and frustrated and Kay had felt torn between her role as his wife and her new responsibilities as a mother. When Molly was around four years old, she had tried to change their sleeping rhythm back to how it was before the baby was born, but it hadn't been easy and had taken her a while and lots of willpower. The night she had finally lain next to her husband again, Arnold had just continued reading his golf magazine. The moment he had finished reading, her husband had turned out the light and turned his back on her. She had felt hurt, but also guilty. Kay had talked herself into thinking that it had been her own doing that Arnold didn't want her back. She had figured he was too proud to invite her back into his arms. She had therefore decided to give him time.

Days, months, years had gone by, but nothing had happened. Suddenly she had felt like their relationship had gone from the one of husband and wife to the one siblings had. They never touched or kissed each other again. Physical contact had finally lost its function in their relationship. She sometimes regretted becoming a mother for a second time. Back in the day when their son Brad had been born they were young and in love and had shared their parenthood. Kay wasn't the only one who had taken care of him or had slept in the children's room. Arnold had been completely in love with their little family. Sometimes they had even shared their double bed with little Brad in the middle.

Kay sighed.

During her second pregnancy her husband had become a partner in the firm and soon he had had to work harder and longer and withdraw from his functions as a parent in order to take care of his new child: the firm. Since Kay didn't spend much time at work - having only a part-time-job – she hadn't complained. He had to pay for the family, their house, the car and of course for the family's holidays. So she thought it would be better to entirely engage in the role of mother and housewife and do a good job, even if it hadn't been quite fulfilling.

They lived under the same roof, but somehow in completely different worlds. ESPN had become Arnold's event of the evening while Kay had dealt with their children's homework and their first broken joints and hearts. Her need to be close to another human being had gotten re-directed to her children and it had worked for quite some time, until they finally had left them. That had happened almost ten years ago.

Kay's hand wandered underneath her nightgown, almost unconsciously touching the soft warm skin of her breast while her other hand wandered further down her body, caressing her belly and her thighs. She hesitated for a moment, but finally her fingertips touched the pulsating point between her legs. She closed her eyes, imagining Arnold was with her, touching her the way she did, circling the center of pleasure with his fingers and in the familiar pattern she remembered. She thought of them being together again – nude, warm and soft bodies embracing each other. He had always been shy, so it was difficult for him to look at her during their love making. Therefore he used to kiss her neck. She had liked that, feeling his tender lips on her sensitive cervical area. Sometimes he had caused little love bruises along her throat. Kay imagined his weight on top of her body while her fingers slid slowly into her center. Her nerve endings were on fire while she pictured Arnold inside of her, moving slowly in and out of her body while he kissed her like she wanted to be kissed – his hands were stroking her bare thighs. She remembered Arnold whispering words of affection into her ears, gliding in and out with more urge than before. She had always clutched at his firm butt, pushing him even deeper into her to feel him as deep and close as possible. She got out of her rhythm when she thought about their session of today and Arnold's fantasies. Kay wanted to feel more…wanted to go further than she had before. She couldn't stop and suddenly the scenery in her mind changed to something else. They weren't in their bed anymore, but in Arnold's office. He wanted it to be in public. He had told Dr. Feld and her about his fantasy today. He wanted Kay to please him under his office desk. – a place where they were in danger of could get caught anytime. It was kind of exciting and Kay felt more aroused when she thought about getting on her knees in front of her husband in the middle of his working day. His face was full of anticipation and his mouth unfamiliarly curled into a cheeky smirk. Kay was licking her lips about the picture. He sat down in his chair and she crawled on all fours in his direction until she kneeled right in front of him, her eyes on the same level as his loins. Arnold looked at her and she knew that he felt confident and knew what he wanted. He didn't say anything, but went back to his work – reading some paper Kay couldn't see, ignoring what she was doing.

She unbuckled his belt and opened the zipper of his trousers. Kay reached into his fly without hesitation, touching his half-erected cock. She felt the soft texture and how it slowly grew bigger until she bent forward to take it into her mouth. Suddenly Arnold made a moaning sound, far too loud not to be heard by other people in the office. Her fantasy only fed her state of arousal.

Kay's hands moved faster under her blanket, picturing him fully erected in her mouth. Arnold laid one hand onto the back of her head, carefully directing her movements around him. She liked to feel guided by his hand. Its pressure on her hair gave her the assurance that she did it right. His hips joined her movement and Kay had to still her hand for a moment not to come too fast. The image changed once more…guiding Kay to the first own fantasy she had ever allowed herself.

Arnold held her wrists and therefore Kay in place. Kay was lying on his office desk. He had shoved up her dress to her hips and was now standing between her bare legs. His dark brown eyes were fixed on her face. His face was expressionless. Suddenly he moved forward and she could feel him pressing against her wet entrance. His cock was hard and warm while the desk's metal surface underneath her back felt cool and pleasant. His movements were vigorous and consistent like clockwork. Kay could hear herself moaning loudly. She knew it was dangerous, she knew someone could enter Arnold's office any moment and it turned her on even more. His thrusts became harder and her noises shrill and unbridled when Arnold bent down, kissing and sucking the hollow at the base of her throat. Kay felt her breath falter when her body went rigid and she experienced pleasant convulsions in her center and belly. She moaned loud enough for Arnold to hear, but Kay couldn't stop herself. Her orgasm was warm and comforting, it made her feel less sad and unwanted. After a moment she opened her eyes, feeling slightly disorientated. Her breathing was still quick and erratic, but internally she felt relaxed and was no longer afraid of the space between Arnold and her. She didn't want to feel separated from him any longer. Kay wanted to be with Arnold again. They had to try harder, Kay thought, before she finally wearily drifted off to sleep.

_The End_


End file.
